I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
