That's intense
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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