Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
