You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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