Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
