Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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