I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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