its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
