I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
