I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize