Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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