Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
