I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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