Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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