How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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