we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
