i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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