I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
