I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
