ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
