How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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