I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My vagina just recognized that song.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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