Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
