i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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