I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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