His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
