this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
