So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
