If that was your dad, he is hot
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
