and you said cock pushups were impossible
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
