that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
