we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Do vagina's smell?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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