I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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