dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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