Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
