I just cut my nipple shaving
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
