This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
