I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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