did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
