it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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