He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
