So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Randomize
