god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
