I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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