ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
