We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
