This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
