A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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