Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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