I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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