Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
