doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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