I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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