if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize