as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
