can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
