I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
