Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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