Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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