apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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