every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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