I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
