I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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