it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
