Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
