My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
