i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
