you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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