Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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