9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize