I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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