Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The ass gains better be worth it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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