I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm experimenting with sincerity
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
