ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You ruined the universe
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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