From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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