"it" just moved
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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