i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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