capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
