hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She's just so happy...and so naked.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
