Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
