the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
