some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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