We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
