I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
