I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
