I'm jealous of your bromance
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize