I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
