Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
