Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
