I heard we made out
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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