Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
