Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
