Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize