Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
