My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
