Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
