I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
