I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
