I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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