Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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