So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
