I'm so fucking centered right now
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
