dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
