I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
