My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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