You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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