I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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