I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
