My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
