I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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