Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
